“Why did I say that? Come on, Christian, you play better than this,” echoes through my head.
When I started improvising, I needed to turn off my self-judgment. When you are on stage with another person making it all up, you need to stay present, committed, and listening.
Once that question arises, I trip up because I get lost in admonishing myself. Instead of moving along the performance, I start to self-sabotage by getting stuck in my own head.
IT IS ALL HAPPENING NOW.
I lost the moment because I wanted to beat myself up for my choices. The buddha mindset takes a long time to manifest in the improv arena and remains a work in progress.
Once we trip into judgment, regaining our footing becomes a challenge. This shows up in all our endeavors. When we judge ourselves, we show up worse. When we start judging others, we show up worse and hinder their progression.
Judging is playing Mike Tyson’s punchout against ourselves. When we judge, we light M-80s and hold them while they explode in our hands.
Because of fear, ego, or envy, we hide behind our judgments. When we do this, we put ourselves in a mental prison. We beat ourselves up, hoping for a fake perfect.
When we stumble, we need to shrug it off and keep going.
What we want is less judging and more loving. Loving ourselves and loving those around us.